New Beginning

Upon deciding that my rants and raves had grown well above that of the measly 140 characters of Twitter and the never ending barrage of "likes" on Facebook, it felt more than necessary to upgrade to a blog and inform all of you grisly misfits of my day-to-day petty feelings.

For anyone who saw the title and presumed this would be an easy way to steal magic's greatest secrets, think again. I'll be rather candid.

Now, i'll probably do this as often as possible in short segments of infuriation of the general public and their foibles, but seeing as this is long overdue, expect a fair bit now.

Firstly, let's start on a positive - a lovely influence of the good ol' fashioned primary school method of 'sandwiching' a horrible soul destroying negative inbetween two flimsy attempts at kindness. Ahem.

Derren Brown. Utter genius. Do I need to say more? Yes. His 2007 book "Tricks of the Mind" is simply the most insightful and brilliant piece of work ever to grace paper. I feel devastated that I have finished it. But wow. Completely recommend it.

Coffee. Very every day right? Well not until 3 days ago it wasn't for me. Upon sampling my first ever taste of the special stuff, I have found myself feeling more and more addicted until I finally craved it. I now need it. I'm incomplete without it. I've grown to hold special feelings and a desire for it...all within 3 days. Yikes indeed.

Shoes next. More detail you ask? Fine. Burtons converse. The obviously fake, but cheap kind. Who the hell did the laces for these? Blind children with no concept of how to lace, also born with hooves for hands? Having never laced before (quite a week for firsts isn't it?) I quickly succeeded in this simple task, proving myself to be more talented than the clowns who did this first.

Have I offended anyone yet? If not, i'm rather disappointed in myself.

Let's throw that positive I mentioned earlier into the fray shall we? I'm rather delighted with my apparently increasing skills in mentalism and general magic. I managed to mirror someone into feeling sleepy. Lovely, certainly passed the train journey.

On the flip side, i'm still awaiting for a delivery based upon this. Seems pyschics aren't all that good at pre-ordering, aye? Oh crap, I finished on a negative. Shit.

Well this was certainly better than therapy. If, for some sick and inane reason you actually enjoyed this, let me know. I'll happily discuss your favourite topics and find more source to moan over.

I won't write again now until something enrages me to do so. Expect it within the next minute then. Hah.

Oh, and Charlie Brooker rocks.

Oh 2 - I managed to have a typo in the title. Great start. I was right about moaning within a minute then...